Many of us wonder if we’re being used whether it is by a friend or a lover. How would we know if we are being used or not? Well although the answer is basic of logic, logic is an essential item that most people lack, usually because of stress. Then again, you do have to reconsider the possibility that you are thinking way too much over a deal that may make you feel like you are being used, but you are not. This is like asking yourself the opposite of if you’re using someone! So go ahead and ask yourself the following questions.

1) Who Pays?

Easy! When you go out to eat with this potential dating partner, and you do it several times, who is the person that pays the bill? If it’s you the first time, it MIGHT be okay. Perhaps your date just left his or her wallet at home, or not. However, if it happens succeeding, then there’s a chance that your partner may be using you. If you have to pay for both the meal and the tip when you eat out several times, without the other ever offering to pay, or taking out his wallet, then yes. It is also very obvious that he or she is using you when he asks you to pay every single time you guys go out, even it if just by going to the movies.

So take note! Don’t let your partner do all the spending, and go ahead and pay for a few dates yourself. Make sure that you share the date evenly, such as you both paying half of the bill, or for one to pay one date, and the other for another.

2) Are You Thanked?

You shouldn’t expect to be completely reciprocated, but you should expect your date or friend to be polite! Watch and see if your friend or date thanks you for having a wonderful time, especially if you’re the one who paid for it. If they say thank you, then at least they are being polite. However, if they stack another request, such as going to a different place next week without thanks, or ask for a favor right after you finished one, keep an eye out to make sure you’re not their goat. If they keep loading favors on you and rarely passes by thanks, you might as well be their servant. Watch it. You’re trying to be a lover, not a workman.

3) How is Communication?

If you have to start off all the communication, scheduling, calling, texting, messaging, and even emailing, something is amiss. Communication is a two way street, where you start the conversation some of the time, and the other for another part of the time. If you keep constantly calling him or her, and she or he doesn’t pick up for perhaps weeks at a time, just to talk for fun, then something is wrong. The only exception to this is if they warn you beforehand that they won’t be able to talk due to circumstances (such as their phone being turned off, etc.). If it seems as if they are not really interested to talk to you for perhaps weeks or months at a time, it’s time to head out. As it is said, a lack of communication is a lack of understanding.

4) Do You Hang Out?

Other than going out for big dates, have you guys ever hung out in ways that does not associate with money, food, or anything of the likes? If your hanging out is like your communication, it should be about equal, even, and fair. However, if it seems that the other does not ever seem to initiate to spend time together, unless there is money involved, then something is going on. If the time you spend together seems very limited and uncomfortable, maybe it’s time to start looking for a new person to date, hopefully, someone initiative.

5) How previous was Their Last Relationship?

If the person you have dated or a friend has broken up from a relationship perhaps one, to five months ago, there’s probably a chance that they might be learning on you for support and help, without them knowing it. Sometimes people use you emotionally, but you can be their support. You just have to know your limit to helping them out, or dating them. Make sure it isn’t out of pity! Also make sure that, although it’s good to help, that you are not their outlet. Don’t let them use you to get over the void, because everyone has to get through that on their own. If they try to find someone to use that emptiness, such as replacing you as their old lover, then it makes it harder for them to move on. They have to face their problems face on, at their own pace and time.

People get used everyday, and frankly, almost all of us are sick and tired of it. Although it is near impossible to stop everyone from being abused, you can protect yourself and limit the chances of becoming a victim. These five questions could help you figure out if a potential friend or date is using you, and you can finally step and take action against it. Remember, you got to take care of yourself, and watch out for the flashing warnings.

-Cutecatlove

In a previous article there are a few tips in order to help you realize whether you should settle or not. Well now here’s the idea of settling! Once you’re down with your relationship and all is stable and well, it’s time to get into the actual idea of settling. So how do you settle and stay that way? Well, read on to find out how to stick together in the love-nest without it falling apart.

1) Double Check!

Before you actually lay down the line for settling, refer back to the article, “Should you settle” found on page 2, second article up. If you are completely satisfied with your current relationship, then proceed. However, if you think the other will change for you after you settle, or you plan to change them, or even if you think they would outgrow their quirks, or that your emotion for them will grow over time if it isn’t in ‘full’ love by now, it is best advice to drop out.

2) Strong Bond

So you’re married and you both are completely happy. Well, take note people that euphoria of love, or “feel-good” feeling that gets you hyped up to think about the other for ever, will diminish in about two years, more or less. While you guys may still be in love, that initial blast will fall, and then you both might be confused. Keep a strong bond between you both to keep the settling in the nest. Friendship and respect is the basic form of love, and if you keep that strong and high for you both, then it would firm the nest together.

3) Stay Yourself

All right, once you got married and all is wonderful, you want to drastically improve yourself in order to make your hubby or wife happy. Hold up, break the car and shift into reverse. Before you drive too far, think. Did they marry you? Did they marry you for who you are? All right, there you go. Be who you are because that is the person they love. While it might be a good idea to perhaps change a few habits here and there, such as maybe wearing clothes around the house instead of walking naked, or trying to do the dishes, be who you are, and stay true.

4) Remember the Small Stuff

Why does the sweet and simple have to end? It doesn’t have to! Even when you find happily ever after, you can still buy roses, chocolate, cologne and other surprise gifts once in a good while to surprise your love. You could also give them a back massage rub, or just basically a sweet simplicity that you know would delete them. It’s a nice thought to do and also reminds them that you are sweet, and probably will be for the rest of your lifetimes, without you having to tell them, haha.

5) Work Together

“A house divided against itself will fall.” Both of you worked hard to get to where you are now, so be careful. Since you both got married, it isn’t the time to be slacking. In fact, it’s time to start cracking harder, now that you both are together! If you live together, it might even be tougher, since you figure out every aspect about the other that you probably couldn’t imagine about beforehand. Like love, you have to work together in order to make a house a home. So go ahead and figure out who does what, and try not to fight over it! It might be hard to build up a better, efficient home, but you both can learn how to do it together.

6) Avoid Fights!

These two words are going to pop up everywhere on this website. Fights are one of the worse troubles anyone could find themselves in, relationship or otherwise. Make sure your ears are open and that you use your brain! Fighting is common, but you got to work it so that it’s nonexistent in your home, if possible. Don’t be too submissive, but basically find a way to perhaps make compromises to get things done around the home. If the other happens to not get it done, then go ahead and let it go, because they could go back and do it later.

7) Check In

This might not be some fancy hotel, but I’m pretty sure that you or the other has some possessive degree. If you want to go out shopping or hang out with the guys, go tell your wife or husband that, or leave a note behind so that way she or he won’t get too worried with you. Call in every now and then. Think of it like parenting each other. Checking in is a friendly way to show and prove that you are loyal and that the lover has nothing to worry about when you are out. In fact, inviting them out with you would be a fun idea to do, at least, once in a while.

Take Care

You love, so take care! Your lover and you should stick closer than glue and hotter than oil. Showing each other that you care for each other, and most importantly, take care of each other, is important. Although it might seem like parenting, or babying, take care of them. However, don’t become their second mother and father, or that might just creep them out. If you have a concern, talk to them about it, but understand that they’re old enough to take care of themselves. Come on! You’re with them, and they got to help take care of you as well.

So when you partake in settling, build the nest strong and firm. Once you find love, and you took it in, keep it with all your might and do all you can to take care of it. Remember, there are many rocky paths and thorns that you may run across, but it’s all worth the challenge to stay at the peak of feel-good emotion that you start with, and to keep it high on an all time level. Settle into love.

-Cutecatlove

I am glad that there are people who put up suggestions for what they want to see on this website! If you guys have any suggestions, go ahead and comment about it! If I understand what you want and request, I’ll go ahead and put it up, as long as it makes sense. Remember, I’m here to listen to you guys.

I’ve read from a comment that Josh, an online reader, wants to read a continuation of how to tell whether you should settle or not (a previous article). Well, if you need help or have any suggestions, I’ll go ahead and see if I could also put help tips, instead of just tips of the day. I do not really understand a continuation, since I already wrote about it. However, I can write about settling in the next article. If you have any questions, feel free to comment!

-Cutecatlove

Look for who the person is, not what they are. Judging people is out of line. It’s a helpful tip to help earn good friends when you look for beauty on the inside, and not on the out. Not everything should be based on looks! Although it is human nature to find the most beautiful person, try to stop that nature. I’m not saying it’s bad to think someone is not pretty, but the word here is that you got to look past that! Remember, you might be ugly to someone, but beautiful to another.

-Cutecatlove

Be natural! If you’re trying to flirt with other people, don’t force it out like so many do! Speaking with cheesy pick up lines does not work, unless you are just joking around. For either guy or girl, it is rather silly to see someone trying to catch a date with us using lines they read from a magazine or a computer. If you try to hard to be flirty, it typically doesn’t work. Just be yourself, smile, and laugh.

-Cutecatlove

Unwind. Life gets tough sometimes so you got to unravel by letting loose and sit back. Unwind in ways that you know will relax you. It might be hard, but try to find ten minutes every day for some ‘you’ time. It will be a great stress reliever and also gives you time to think. Of course, that doesn’t mean be depressed! Just relax and think about pleasant thoughts. Everyone needs a bit of time to themselves, after all.

-Cutecatlove

There is a fine line whether you are using someone, or whether you love them. Sometimes we do not realize when we do use someone, so we need to trend carefully upon the line, and figure out if we passed it by now, or not. How would we know if we trend the line? It’s often hard to tell, especially after several relationships and hardships in life. The line gets blurry, and we forget what and where the limit is. Where is the cross section of using someone, or actually loving someone? Well, you better make sure you know where it is before you start opening your heart! You can get in nasty trouble with that. Watch out!

1) Broken Relationship

Let it be a few days, a few months, or even a few years, a broken relationship can sometimes blur the line whether you are using the next person you supposedly love, or not. Sometimes the next person you fall for may be used for your own support instead of falling for who they actually are. If you ever had a relationship before and it turned out bad, make sure that you do not instantly turn to the other gender for a new, fast relationship. Instead, take some time. It takes time to heal, as mentioned again and again throughout this site!

Whether you might know it or not, you could be hasting in a relationship to get your ex jealous, or to have a different support that is more than friendship. However, be warned that trying to make someone else miserable or trying to get revenge won’t do you any good, and will make it difficult to move on from the past. Although we might feel empty inside, and as if a part of us is missing, we should not be brain-dead to realize that we could still harm other, innocent people, even though we got hurt ourselves.

2) Exaggerated Expectations

Maybe you are constantly vying for attention, and you keep sending messages every hour, but feel greatly empty and disappointed with you do not receive a reply within ten to thirty minutes. Whoa! Hold on, that’s too much. Instead of staring at the phone or the computer, remember that you have your own life to deal with! When you cling on to someone like that, that is obsessed. It’s time to tone it down a bit, although it might hurt you emotionally. When you tend to vie for his or her constant attention twenty four/seven, there’s a problem.

If your expectations are exaggerated, more than likely you just want to feel like your loved, instead of you actually loving. They have a life to go to, and so do you. If you get mad and start throwing a fit just because someone did not talk to you for a day or a week, you lack respect for the other. If you lack respect, it is more difficult to show and to figure out if you care for them or not. Most of the time, if you do not respect them, you do not love them.

3) Moving Too Fast

Here’s one that we all should be familiar with. When a relationship goes too fast, for girls or boys, something is amiss. It is especially concerning if you get pushed to the point where the relationship is uncomfortable. If you are being pushed too fast into a situation or a place you don’t like, simply get out of it. It doesn’t have to go to the extremity, such as sex. If you are uncomfortable holding hands, say so. Take it at your pace.

If the other pushes it too far, it usually means that they do not respect you and are probably, with or without their knowledge, using you in some way, shape, form or matter. It goes for the other way as well. If you try to push the other to a situation where they do not like, you are not respecting them. You have to respect them in order to show that you love them. Respect is necessary for the foundation of a relationship!

4) Reciprocation

If all you tend to do it take in the relationship, such as taking most of the other’s time, taking their kisses, taking their objects and borrowing them, and basically most of the taking is yours, keep an eye open. You got to give instead of take! Be fair and reciprocate what you take by giving. If the person asks for something and you do not expect anything back, then you are not using them. However, if the person asks for something and you give, expecting a favor back without their say, then more than likely you’re using them.

Evaluate yourself and watch your actions. Your actions usually tell if you are using someone or not. You just got to have a clear head and use logic. Usually, hormones or emotions get in the way to figure out what you are doing. When that happens, it’s time to clean out your mind and focus! That line might not be redrawn, but you can always find a hint of where it lies.

-Cutecatlove

Hugs! Who DOESN’T like them? It’s always fun and sweet to give to girl and guy friends. However, be careful who you hug. Although it is always a sweet gift, hugs usually form a base for trust in women. If you hug a guy, make sure that you know you can trust them! Also try hugging them in a matter so that your boobs don’t touch ‘em. After all, most guys do like boobs. And you wouldn’t want your guy friends to have the wrong idea, right? So while you are friendly with hugs, be careful to who you give it to and how you do it! That’s today’s Tip!

-Cutecatlove

Oh! Well you know that place where you put your eye make up, right above your eyelashes? Well that is called a deep set. When you put on eye shadow, make sure you put a light color on! Putting a dark color might look pretty, but it also makes you look older. I would say that unless your goal IS to look old, is to stay away from dark make up. That is the make up tip of the day!

-Cutecatlove

When we’re young or old, everyone must have had some experience regarding a person called an Ex. An Ex-husband, and ex-wife, an ex-boyfriend, an ex-girlfriend, an ex-friend, you name it. If there is some discomfort between any possible ex, here are a few tips to get you started on what to do. If you want to end the discomfort, there are several options available to either keep or push away such a person.

1) Your Ex…

A) Boy/Girlfriend

Oh boy, so you might have remained friends after the break up, if that is possible. However, as of late there has been some discomfort between you and he, or she. If you feel like something is amiss, try to leave them alone for a while. Time may help mend the discomfort between the ‘friendly’ relationships you both are trying to maintain. Simply give each other space and try to talk again in a few days. If there is still discomfort, try again in a few weeks, etc. Most of the time, it is best to cut off all contact with your ex, although it may hurt. Usually they only cause trouble!

If you tried to give them time, or even stop talking to them all together, and it doesn’t work with the discomfort, there are other ways to mend this while keeping him or her as a buddy. Try to be distant from them but remain in contact. Try not to answer the phone every time the other calls, but instead let a day or two pass before calling back, or messaging back, or etc. If you feel uncomfortable in any given situation, the best option is to get out until it’s safe to go back.

B) Best Friend

All right, so you had a best friend who is no longer your best friend. Therefore, we call that person an ex-best friend. So what is he or she doing still around? While you are uncomfortable with them, you got to respect them .Soon enough the time will come that you and her or him would have to split, let it be whether one of you moves, end school, and carry on with your lives. If you do not care too much about your ex best friend, but still regard them as a close friend, simply let time take its course. Again, ex best friends are like ex boy or ex girlfriends. Time will heal the discomfort, and if it doesn’t, it’s time to boot out.

2) Parent’s Ex…

A) Spouse/Girl/Boyfriend

If you are uncomfortable with your parent’s ex spouse, don’t be afraid to talk about it. If they visit you and you rather not see them for good reason, such as if they swear too much around you and treat you badly, then go ahead and tell someone about it. Try to find shelter away from them and talk to the parent you are with about it. If you don’t like the parent you are with and like the other, than do the same. Tell the other parent that you do not like your parent for a good reason. If you cannot find a good reason why you are not comfortable around a person, talk to them.

The rules are the same for the ex girlfriend or boyfriend of your parent. If you do not like them, talk it out to a family member. If the family member doesn’t listen, and you have been abused, such as being beaten up or verbally abused, go report it. There are places you can go online or schools that have programs that allow you to tell problems off. If worse comes to worse, try to find someone to spend the time with to make sure you avoid the person you do not like.

3) Child’s Ex…

Ugh, all right, so you’re a parent and your child is at that age where she/ he gone and had a boy/girlfriend. Then they broked up. However, under some strange circumstances you continue to see your child and that ex communicate, and you are uncomfortable with it. Talk to your child about it and explain how you feel. However, do not force it. Tell them that you rather not have them talk to the ex, if it can be helped, but do not tell them to stop or else they are grounded. Threats are not useful in this kind of situation.

If the child’s ex speaks to you as an adult, you may listen to them and understand their situation. However, you were their age once, so you should know what their motive is and what is in their thoughts. If you do not like it, then go ahead and tell them that they are not allowed in their house, if they ask. If your child wants to bring them in, remember that this is not their house. It is your home.

If your child is at the age of marriage, and the lover becomes and ex-spouse, and you feel uncomfortable around him or her, remember to show them respect, but also keep it real. Act the way you would. If you are very uncomfortable at the thought of him or speaking to your child, go talk to your child about it (again) and perhaps even create a restraining order if it is a good idea for both you and your child. If she or he still lives with her, go ahead and take your child back in your house for a while so she or he can have a comfort away from that ex-spouse, and out of danger.

4) Friend’s Ex…

All right, if your friend has a girlfriend or a boyfriend, and they broked up and you feel uncomfortable, it is important to simply stay away, unless they drastically need your help. If they push your help however, get out of the situation. If you were friends with that ex, before they started dating, give yourself time away before speaking to the ex again. If your friends stop being best friends with their friends, and become ex-best friends, don’t worry about it. It is not important to focus on such a situation because it does not involve you.

If your friends are fighting because they are ex-best friends over you, don’t choose sides because you do not want to lose one or the other. Overall, speak to one another with respect. Respect is always a major key.

Overall, there are many different types of exes, and most of the discomfort between them can be healed with time or by getting rid of them in your life. While both options may seem like you are running away, you are simply only doing what is best for yourself in this case. Remember! Time may help lessen the tension between you an ex before speaking again. If that is impossible, then maybe it is best to stop talking to them all together. While friends can be friends, an ex in all matters is different. If there is trouble, do not be afraid to speak about it to other people. Most of all, strive away from the discomfort, and aim for the best in life!

-Cutecatlove