Be a good listener. Everyone appreciates someone who would think, ponder, and wonder about what their words mean and why it holds importance. There are many people in this world who love to blab, but very few true listeners. It means a lot when someone speaks and a person is focused on listening. Words exist for a reason: they are meant to be heard. Show that you care about a person by listening to them. It does not mean you need to shut up and stare (although it helps to look at them so they would know you’re paying attention). It means you understand them and their expression. Sometimes a person just needs to express themselves to someone they could trust.

-Cutecatlove

While many people of this world see touching yourself (aka masturbating) as normal, and probably appropriate, there are others who disagree, some strongly. Whether you wish to stop touching yourself for spiritual reasons, to help make yourself a better or different person, or to create a stronger foundation of sexual loyalty to the person you are with, here are a few tips to prevent that hand from grasping a place where you shouldn’t be grasping at all.

1) Avoid Stimulation

You know what triggers you to be aroused. It might be porn, the thoughts that run in your head, or your imagination at work. If there is days/nights that you give yourself more love compared to others then stay away from temptations during the day. While a person may tend to be drawn to stimulation, learn how to ignore it, and avoid it if possible. The logical point of this paragraph is to simply stay away from any stimulation that you know off as much as possible, even on the days were you may feel nice and clean.

2) Walk Away

Throughout the day, there is much stimulation that pop up that may encourage you to do deeds that you rather not do. Those are situations that you cannot help to take away. That may be a billboard hosting a near-naked woman/man, a person who may be trying to seduce you (then that MIGHT no longer be self-loving), or a naughty thought. Keep your eyes off, and look or walk away from such situations. If a naughty thought pops up, divert it: focus on music or take a stroll. Just keep your mind off from it.

3) Have Self-Control

Half of the time we give in to our desires because we lack self-control, or we just learn not to care about the outcome. In order to stop masturbating we must first have the idea and focus to stop. Most of the doing is in our head, whether there is a reason to do it or not. You have to remember that your brain is in control of your body. They both work together. It’s a simple case of mind over matter. Your brain is over your body, and to gain self-control, you got to let your brain do the work. Self-Control isn’t served on a silver platter. You got to work for it.

4) Focus on the Struggling time

Night time, or the time when you go to bed is often the time where weakness is at its greatest. That’s when you find something else to do. If you simply have to touch yourself, do something else. Sit ups, push ups, working out, eating, and other ideas may help you diverse the focus and narrow in attention to other deeds. Basically, find something else to do that wouldn’t stimulate you and instead gives you something else to do.

5) Find the Reason

Other than the fact that it satisfies your body, what’s the reason you masturbate? Sometimes, masturbating comes from being bored, being lonely, being stressed, reminded of the pains of the past, or being hurt. Masturbating is finding an easy way out to forget those problems for a short period of time. If you masturbate excessively, there may be a problem. The simple answer, “it feels good,” loses affect if that is the case. You got to start digging deep to find the root of reason.

6) Deal with It

The puzzle is figured out, now you just got to solve it. Feelings often take hold of us and determine our thoughts and actions. Dealing with them in an appropriate manner is a skill many people tend to lose or forget. While you cannot control your emotions to an extent, you can control your actions to help you determine those emotions. As quote on quote from the internet, “It is because you decided to feel bored. Nobody made you feel bored. You did.”

7) Emergency Way Out

If worse comes to worse, have an emergency escape. Try to whip yourself with a rubber hand, prod yourself with a pen, or pinch yourself on the arm to divert your attention and to remind yourself not to do what you are about to do. If pain does not suit you, try something else as an emergency way out. Do something similar and as shocking however in order to stop!

Focus on a New Image

They say that it’s all in the mind. Try to image yourself as a person who does not masturbate or touch themselves. Focus on that for a few minutes during the day, although it might seem strange and odd at first. The more you focus on becoming that new image, the more comfortable you become with your progression. Remember, we are not perfect! An image gives us something to look up to and to encourage us to become a better person, and probably even re-program us.

Your goal and reason to stop touching yourself is your own personal issue, and may gain you more respect for yourself. It may help you become more sexually loyal to your possible partner, and gives you more time to fulfill other duties, such as finishing up a video game or balancing a checkbook. Whatever your reason, hopefully these tips would help you achieve your goal. Just remember! We are human, so don’t go too hard on yourself!

-Cutecatlove

There is a fine line whether you are using someone, or whether you love them. Sometimes we do not realize when we do use someone, so we need to trend carefully upon the line, and figure out if we passed it by now, or not. How would we know if we trend the line? It’s often hard to tell, especially after several relationships and hardships in life. The line gets blurry, and we forget what and where the limit is. Where is the cross section of using someone, or actually loving someone? Well, you better make sure you know where it is before you start opening your heart! You can get in nasty trouble with that. Watch out!

1) Broken Relationship

Let it be a few days, a few months, or even a few years, a broken relationship can sometimes blur the line whether you are using the next person you supposedly love, or not. Sometimes the next person you fall for may be used for your own support instead of falling for who they actually are. If you ever had a relationship before and it turned out bad, make sure that you do not instantly turn to the other gender for a new, fast relationship. Instead, take some time. It takes time to heal, as mentioned again and again throughout this site!

Whether you might know it or not, you could be hasting in a relationship to get your ex jealous, or to have a different support that is more than friendship. However, be warned that trying to make someone else miserable or trying to get revenge won’t do you any good, and will make it difficult to move on from the past. Although we might feel empty inside, and as if a part of us is missing, we should not be brain-dead to realize that we could still harm other, innocent people, even though we got hurt ourselves.

2) Exaggerated Expectations

Maybe you are constantly vying for attention, and you keep sending messages every hour, but feel greatly empty and disappointed with you do not receive a reply within ten to thirty minutes. Whoa! Hold on, that’s too much. Instead of staring at the phone or the computer, remember that you have your own life to deal with! When you cling on to someone like that, that is obsessed. It’s time to tone it down a bit, although it might hurt you emotionally. When you tend to vie for his or her constant attention twenty four/seven, there’s a problem.

If your expectations are exaggerated, more than likely you just want to feel like your loved, instead of you actually loving. They have a life to go to, and so do you. If you get mad and start throwing a fit just because someone did not talk to you for a day or a week, you lack respect for the other. If you lack respect, it is more difficult to show and to figure out if you care for them or not. Most of the time, if you do not respect them, you do not love them.

3) Moving Too Fast

Here’s one that we all should be familiar with. When a relationship goes too fast, for girls or boys, something is amiss. It is especially concerning if you get pushed to the point where the relationship is uncomfortable. If you are being pushed too fast into a situation or a place you don’t like, simply get out of it. It doesn’t have to go to the extremity, such as sex. If you are uncomfortable holding hands, say so. Take it at your pace.

If the other pushes it too far, it usually means that they do not respect you and are probably, with or without their knowledge, using you in some way, shape, form or matter. It goes for the other way as well. If you try to push the other to a situation where they do not like, you are not respecting them. You have to respect them in order to show that you love them. Respect is necessary for the foundation of a relationship!

4) Reciprocation

If all you tend to do it take in the relationship, such as taking most of the other’s time, taking their kisses, taking their objects and borrowing them, and basically most of the taking is yours, keep an eye open. You got to give instead of take! Be fair and reciprocate what you take by giving. If the person asks for something and you do not expect anything back, then you are not using them. However, if the person asks for something and you give, expecting a favor back without their say, then more than likely you’re using them.

Evaluate yourself and watch your actions. Your actions usually tell if you are using someone or not. You just got to have a clear head and use logic. Usually, hormones or emotions get in the way to figure out what you are doing. When that happens, it’s time to clean out your mind and focus! That line might not be redrawn, but you can always find a hint of where it lies.

-Cutecatlove