Be a good listener. Everyone appreciates someone who would think, ponder, and wonder about what their words mean and why it holds importance. There are many people in this world who love to blab, but very few true listeners. It means a lot when someone speaks and a person is focused on listening. Words exist for a reason: they are meant to be heard. Show that you care about a person by listening to them. It does not mean you need to shut up and stare (although it helps to look at them so they would know you’re paying attention). It means you understand them and their expression. Sometimes a person just needs to express themselves to someone they could trust.

-Cutecatlove

While many people of this world see touching yourself (aka masturbating) as normal, and probably appropriate, there are others who disagree, some strongly. Whether you wish to stop touching yourself for spiritual reasons, to help make yourself a better or different person, or to create a stronger foundation of sexual loyalty to the person you are with, here are a few tips to prevent that hand from grasping a place where you shouldn’t be grasping at all.

1) Avoid Stimulation

You know what triggers you to be aroused. It might be porn, the thoughts that run in your head, or your imagination at work. If there is days/nights that you give yourself more love compared to others then stay away from temptations during the day. While a person may tend to be drawn to stimulation, learn how to ignore it, and avoid it if possible. The logical point of this paragraph is to simply stay away from any stimulation that you know off as much as possible, even on the days were you may feel nice and clean.

2) Walk Away

Throughout the day, there is much stimulation that pop up that may encourage you to do deeds that you rather not do. Those are situations that you cannot help to take away. That may be a billboard hosting a near-naked woman/man, a person who may be trying to seduce you (then that MIGHT no longer be self-loving), or a naughty thought. Keep your eyes off, and look or walk away from such situations. If a naughty thought pops up, divert it: focus on music or take a stroll. Just keep your mind off from it.

3) Have Self-Control

Half of the time we give in to our desires because we lack self-control, or we just learn not to care about the outcome. In order to stop masturbating we must first have the idea and focus to stop. Most of the doing is in our head, whether there is a reason to do it or not. You have to remember that your brain is in control of your body. They both work together. It’s a simple case of mind over matter. Your brain is over your body, and to gain self-control, you got to let your brain do the work. Self-Control isn’t served on a silver platter. You got to work for it.

4) Focus on the Struggling time

Night time, or the time when you go to bed is often the time where weakness is at its greatest. That’s when you find something else to do. If you simply have to touch yourself, do something else. Sit ups, push ups, working out, eating, and other ideas may help you diverse the focus and narrow in attention to other deeds. Basically, find something else to do that wouldn’t stimulate you and instead gives you something else to do.

5) Find the Reason

Other than the fact that it satisfies your body, what’s the reason you masturbate? Sometimes, masturbating comes from being bored, being lonely, being stressed, reminded of the pains of the past, or being hurt. Masturbating is finding an easy way out to forget those problems for a short period of time. If you masturbate excessively, there may be a problem. The simple answer, “it feels good,” loses affect if that is the case. You got to start digging deep to find the root of reason.

6) Deal with It

The puzzle is figured out, now you just got to solve it. Feelings often take hold of us and determine our thoughts and actions. Dealing with them in an appropriate manner is a skill many people tend to lose or forget. While you cannot control your emotions to an extent, you can control your actions to help you determine those emotions. As quote on quote from the internet, “It is because you decided to feel bored. Nobody made you feel bored. You did.”

7) Emergency Way Out

If worse comes to worse, have an emergency escape. Try to whip yourself with a rubber hand, prod yourself with a pen, or pinch yourself on the arm to divert your attention and to remind yourself not to do what you are about to do. If pain does not suit you, try something else as an emergency way out. Do something similar and as shocking however in order to stop!

Focus on a New Image

They say that it’s all in the mind. Try to image yourself as a person who does not masturbate or touch themselves. Focus on that for a few minutes during the day, although it might seem strange and odd at first. The more you focus on becoming that new image, the more comfortable you become with your progression. Remember, we are not perfect! An image gives us something to look up to and to encourage us to become a better person, and probably even re-program us.

Your goal and reason to stop touching yourself is your own personal issue, and may gain you more respect for yourself. It may help you become more sexually loyal to your possible partner, and gives you more time to fulfill other duties, such as finishing up a video game or balancing a checkbook. Whatever your reason, hopefully these tips would help you achieve your goal. Just remember! We are human, so don’t go too hard on yourself!

-Cutecatlove

It doesn’t matter whether we are female or males. Dating is open every season! However as eager as you may be about dating, some people refuse to play. All right, bucko! It’s time to shove them into the field so they can have a taste of glory and fun. But how do you do that? After all, you don’t want a game player who just stands there looking silly. Urging a friend to date might just be a bit difficult, so take some precautions and pad on to the steps ahead.

1) Ask Reason

There is usually a reason why a person doesn’t date! If you ask your friend why and they don’t wish to tell you, respect that. You could tell them to wait until they are ready to talk and that you are available to talk to about it later on, if they wish. If they do, be sure to be polite and remind them that either way, there are more people out there to see. You could also tell them that even though they might not be looking, it would be fun to just start dating around to meet new people.

2) Do a Short Talk

After you ask them reason, go ahead and do a short talk about what they like or dislike about the other sex, or just have a regular conversation. Don’t make it seem as if you want to push him or her to go dating, although you are urging. Simple speak about the normal chores of talking, whether it be about food, clothing, etc. You could revolve the subject about the opposite gender and have a general idea of what their idea is. However, when you speak, do not say, “You have to date!” That is forceful. Let the conversation be natural.

3) Introduce the Other Sex

Maybe your friend just forgot how appealing the other gender can be. Go ahead and introduce the other sex, but don’t make it entirely on whether a person is sexy or not! Make sure that the people you introduce are nice and friendly. Whether they are taken or not, their personality may just rekindle a hint of returning to the game to see what he or she can find. Of course, you should ask their permission first before you waltz in with some lovely guy or lady.

4) Be Respectful

Your friend has their life, and you have yours. Importantly, DON’T PUSH IT. Remember that although you might love to fish in the dating game, the game is not for everyone. If your friend amply says no to it, then respect that and do not cross the boundary. Urging a friend is okay to do, but if you force them to date, you may be pushing your friendship away. It is much better to remain friends than to force someone to do something they don’t want to do!

Overall, though dating may be fun for some, but maybe not for others. Remember to set up your priorities, instead of what you want others to do. While you may urge a friend into the game, don’t shove them! Just remember, remain relaxed and let nature do their work. A person might not like to date, but time will show whether they find someone or not.

-Cutecatlove

Decisions, decisions, decisions. Sometimes it’s hard to form one, and lacks the worth to decide. However, if you are in a relationship, and someone comes up in your life that you find interesting, it can be confusing. In this situation, what is for a person to do? Well, here are a few guidelines and ideas that may get you out of the fold of trouble and establish certainty in life.

1) Known Short Time

Time is important here. When a person falls in love, a particular gland in your brain sends off a ‘love-addiction’ that can last up to two years. After those two years, especially after marriage, the ‘love-addiction’ often starts to fail. It doesn’t mean that you don’t love your spouse anymore; it just means that you have to understand that dire affection fades. You are still in love, but the euphoria effect is gone. When you meet someone new, that euphoria, or substitute love, can cause you to over think about your current relationship.

You know the faults of the person you are with. After a few months or years of them, you know every part of their personality. A new person is a mystery, and most people cannot resist a mystery. That makes it even more prone to confusion whether it is better to be with this ‘mystery.’ He or she would seem perfect because you have not seen their faults and have known them for a short amount of time.

In this case, the best decision to make is to stay with the spouse you are with. You must recognize that there will be many temptations to believe that a person you meet is ‘the one’ you are destined to be with. Destiny or not, you are with the person you are with for a reason. If you pick long love over short, then that’s a right step to take.

2) Known Long Time

Another factor of finding someone else could be someone you already know. Often times, girls and guys fall in love with someone they are close to and probably are denied having a chance to be their lover. When that happens, the girl or guy goes out to find someone in order to be comforted. That comfort turns to be the person they are with, and are in love with.

However, it is necessary to separate Care VS Need.

Some people go into a relationship for comfort after being hurt by a previous one. They care about being needed, but no caring about the other person’s needs most of the time when they are the ones hurting. If the person you loved before asked you out while you are in a ‘comforting’ relationship, there is a dangerous line of disrespect. Using a person just for comfort as a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship disrespects them, and breaking up with them for the one you liked before is true, but a gross option. It is the only one in this state.

On the other hand, if you truly did fall in love with the one you are with, and an person you liked/do like before asks you out, don’t break up. It will only break your heart and disrespect yourself, the spouse, and the one you loved/love. If they didn’t want to be with you then, it doesn’t make the difference on why they want to go out with you now.

3) Trust and Truth

The best policy to keep is trust and truth. While you love either the spouse or the other, it is important that you discuss it with first your family or someone that cares about you as a close friend (preferably the same sex), and listen to their advice and who they think is the best for you. Make sure you speak about it to someone you absolutely know who would not hurt you on the subject. It is important to give your trust to someone and to speak the truth, and nothing but the truth.

After you spoke to your family or close friend about the subject, it’s time to speak to your spouse about it if you used them for comfort instead of love, or if you don’t love them. It would pay due respect if you speak to it face to face. If you love your spouse more than the other that you found it is best not to worry them and to keep quiet. You could discuss it with a very trustworthy friend, or take on this task alone.

4) Decisions

The most important aspect of deciding what is best when you are in a relationship and with someone else, is evaluating the pros and cons. Although it is good to take your time when making an important decision, such as this, remember that the longer you take to decide, the longer you hurt the others and yourself. It doesn’t mean you have to be hasty, but you have to be reasonable and evaluate what will be best for you and to keep the others you are with and know, respected.

What ever you choose, make sure it is the decision that is best for you. Keep that into consideration. There are different situations that may change the circumstances. The basic here is to keep stay cool, respectful, understandable, and reasonable to emotion and logic. Remember, the brain is above the heart for a reason, but the heart and gut needs to be heard. Be strong and remain firm on what you decide to do in the end.

-Cutecatlove

Neil Sadaka speaks truth in his song when he sings breaking up is hard to do. Whether it is your first break up or your thousandth one, broken hearts, broken minds and discord is often common.

Of course there comes a time where maybe, you got to break up with the person you are with. Well, here are some general guidelines so you could keep your dignity and pose while acting.

1) Think.

What is the reason why you are breaking up with him or her? Did you simply have a bad day and you are venting, or have they screwed up? Before you do an action you may later regret, give consideration about how you feel and sleep on the problem or reason to break up. If you think the reason is a respectable reason to break up and it has to be done, then proceed to read. Think about it. If you lose them, they’re gone.

2) Do it in person.

The relationship may be long or short, but respect is necessary. If you break up in person, it gives the other a chance to relieve their emotion and how they feel. It also gives them time to have some relief of the sudden pressure of breaking up; let them have flow of emotion so it doesn’t blow them off.

3) Location, location, location.

Do not break up in a place where a thousand, if not a million eyes could spot him or her crying. That is simply rude and inconsiderate. Keep your dignity by showing him or her respect during the separation. A home is a nice place to break up at, but make sure that there is room for a quick get-away. Sometimes your ex may become emotional and out of control, so it is important to take priority for your safety and theirs. If there are threats to either you or the other of harm, go contact help if the danger is immediate or later if possible.

4) Give time.

This can go both ways. Give them time to heal during the conversation, and let them decide when the conversation is at an end. Since the other is deciding, more than likely the conversation would not end up short. Listen to one another when you speak so there won’t be any mishaps. While you both speak, here are some pointers to follow when speaking.

5) Be honest.

Honesty is important in and out a relationship. Speak the reason why you are breaking up with them, but do so in a sincere manner. It is better to have the truth from the lips of the person they love, even if it is during a break up. Tell them everything and all the reasons, but don’t make the pressure weigh down hard on them.

6) Try “I” instead of “you.”

Sometimes honestly seems to constantly blame the other person. Try to switch the gears around and make the focus of the problem as if it deals with you. Remember, it takes a force to make the reaction. For an example, which I found, instead of saying “you’re just a cheating liar,” go along the lines of, “I feel insecure and need time to regain confidence.”

7) Watch your emotions.

As you proceed with the break up, watch your emotions. Be humble. Just because you are breaking up with them doesn’t give you a reason to be prideful about it. Instead, try to be compassionate and understanding. Most importantly, stay calm and caring, but do not be intimate, such as break-up sex. It makes it harder for both sides to move on.

Stick to the point.

The entire point of having a break up conversation is to break up. Keep that purpose in mind. These words, “This is something I need to do for myself,” or “maybe this is the best thing to do,” may persuade the other to accept breaking up. Expect questions, crying, arguing, bargaining, begging, and/or especially, lashing out. Although it is nice to sympathize, do not fall for any of these. You called them here for reason to break up. It is important to care, but not to fall back.

These are some helpful tips to keep in mind during a break up, and will make it a lot easier on you and your partner. Although it may be difficult, it is important to remember that break ups happen to almost everyone. Your ex may also wish to do you emotional harm, but you need to stay strong and know what you are doing. Give each other time to heal, and move on. Breaking up hurts, but at some point in time, it may have to be done.

-Cutecatlove