Neil Sadaka speaks truth in his song when he sings breaking up is hard to do. Whether it is your first break up or your thousandth one, broken hearts, broken minds and discord is often common.
Of course there comes a time where maybe, you got to break up with the person you are with. Well, here are some general guidelines so you could keep your dignity and pose while acting.
1) Think.
What is the reason why you are breaking up with him or her? Did you simply have a bad day and you are venting, or have they screwed up? Before you do an action you may later regret, give consideration about how you feel and sleep on the problem or reason to break up. If you think the reason is a respectable reason to break up and it has to be done, then proceed to read. Think about it. If you lose them, they’re gone.
2) Do it in person.
The relationship may be long or short, but respect is necessary. If you break up in person, it gives the other a chance to relieve their emotion and how they feel. It also gives them time to have some relief of the sudden pressure of breaking up; let them have flow of emotion so it doesn’t blow them off.
3) Location, location, location.
Do not break up in a place where a thousand, if not a million eyes could spot him or her crying. That is simply rude and inconsiderate. Keep your dignity by showing him or her respect during the separation. A home is a nice place to break up at, but make sure that there is room for a quick get-away. Sometimes your ex may become emotional and out of control, so it is important to take priority for your safety and theirs. If there are threats to either you or the other of harm, go contact help if the danger is immediate or later if possible.
4) Give time.
This can go both ways. Give them time to heal during the conversation, and let them decide when the conversation is at an end. Since the other is deciding, more than likely the conversation would not end up short. Listen to one another when you speak so there won’t be any mishaps. While you both speak, here are some pointers to follow when speaking.
5) Be honest.
Honesty is important in and out a relationship. Speak the reason why you are breaking up with them, but do so in a sincere manner. It is better to have the truth from the lips of the person they love, even if it is during a break up. Tell them everything and all the reasons, but don’t make the pressure weigh down hard on them.
6) Try “I” instead of “you.”
Sometimes honestly seems to constantly blame the other person. Try to switch the gears around and make the focus of the problem as if it deals with you. Remember, it takes a force to make the reaction. For an example, which I found, instead of saying “you’re just a cheating liar,” go along the lines of, “I feel insecure and need time to regain confidence.”
7) Watch your emotions.
As you proceed with the break up, watch your emotions. Be humble. Just because you are breaking up with them doesn’t give you a reason to be prideful about it. Instead, try to be compassionate and understanding. Most importantly, stay calm and caring, but do not be intimate, such as break-up sex. It makes it harder for both sides to move on.
Stick to the point.
The entire point of having a break up conversation is to break up. Keep that purpose in mind. These words, “This is something I need to do for myself,” or “maybe this is the best thing to do,” may persuade the other to accept breaking up. Expect questions, crying, arguing, bargaining, begging, and/or especially, lashing out. Although it is nice to sympathize, do not fall for any of these. You called them here for reason to break up. It is important to care, but not to fall back.
These are some helpful tips to keep in mind during a break up, and will make it a lot easier on you and your partner. Although it may be difficult, it is important to remember that break ups happen to almost everyone. Your ex may also wish to do you emotional harm, but you need to stay strong and know what you are doing. Give each other time to heal, and move on. Breaking up hurts, but at some point in time, it may have to be done.
-Cutecatlove